Souless

College life has been very stress to me nowadays. I felt so lifeless, so out of routine. How to get back to my old routine? Internship is coming soon, I hope it wont turned to internshit.

I feel like running away, far away from reality.

The Return of Catherine

It's been 3 years since i last posted in this blog, I came back to write my life story of 18. Lots of things happen and all these impact leads me to a stronger person, I've grown up.I not sure whether is it true but this is what i felt about myself, altho still very childish sometimes ;p

Firstly, Family Issues.
My parents divorced when i was 15 because my father had an affair and of course i have a tough time during my PMR period I did not perform very well on my academic, but at least pass every subject, well, not that bad tho xD I'm glad that I have a bunch of friends supporting me during that time, especially the boy gang, they know who they are... some of them came from broken family also, and i think its a fate to be with them and yeah 7 years friendship is still counting on! Isnt it amazing? When I was 16 I live with my mum and brothers, I cried almost everyday because i still can't accept the fact that my father left us and my mum is giving me pressure and spreading negativity to me therefore since then i always think that my existence is a curse because without me, my parents wont be together for so long also which they both doesn't love each other anymore.Also I did not perform well in academic because i gave up on it and i slept in school everyday, i almost failed every subject because i think study is not important anymore.When came to an important age of 17 because of Form 5, the academic result is important because you need it to enroll college its all depends on your grades, at the age of 17 i lived with my dad and his woman, honestly it's plainly because i wanna run away from my mum's grumpyness its too much for me to take it and i thought maybe live with my dad and his woman wasn't that bad so I choose to live with them, I'm grateful that they put alot of effort for my studies and my future, can you imagine my result from almost every subject going to fail and after their hardwork my result became average? I'm thankful to them because they never give up on me and during that time i was so rebellious because i can't accept that woman yet. At the age of 18 because I dislike her, and I found out I felt like I'm like an extra person in the house, so i choose to go back to my mum house again, lots of tragic happens during the time i requested to live with my mum again, and of course i felt sorry for my dad because he put so much effort on me but I'm like cheated him.

Secondly, Relationship.
21 January 2013, at the age of 18, I met someone that loves me, he's my high school schoolmate and he said that he secretly loves me since 14 or 15 years old which amazed me a lot because hardly can find someone can secretly love you for 3 4 years -_- especially when infront of him, you couple with his friend. I thought he was just joking when he requested to put on a relationship with me in Facebook.He was a shy guy that doesnt dare to touch and seldom talk to people back then afterall.After sometime, i realized i started to have feelings for him too and day by day the feeling is growing stronger, because the way he treated me, the way he talk, everything he did touch me deep down my heart, although he is shy but he tried his best. Did I mention I was chosen to go for National Service? ;p yupp i went there for 3 months (not really 3 months tho) April 1 - June 21. He said it was his tough time because he missed me a lot. Sweet right? I miss him too during in the camp. Honestly, we really did nothing when our first day together until 6th or 7th months together, we were both too shy to do what couple should do even like hold hands. Until one day after I came out from camp he dated me out for movie at Times Square, I took my initiative to hold his hand and kiss him, and he was shy -_- But after around 8th to 11th months together, we both argued because we look on each others weakness and we dislike it and wanted each other to change but both of us ego is too much and we both have own opinion and not willing to take each others one. Not to mention, I was too childish in the relationship and he cant take it anymore.
13 January 2014, I was actually wanted to say how I feel and wanted to listen how he feel, I never wanted to break up but he insisted to, it was really unexpected. For the first time, I feel I'm so useless because I cant even hold someone I love.He said he already lost the feeling towards me for 3 months ago but he doesnt know how to say and how to start with, it was his first time breaking up with a girl afterall because I was his first love. He had a feeling with another girl 2 weeks ago and after we broke up he chased that girl for 2 days, and they both coupled, I didnt notice it until my friend called me and asked me what happen, I acted like nothing happen and say "nothing, why so sudden" my friend scolded me and ask me "stop acting like nothing happen if you still think I'm your friend", he say he saw the photo of him in his Facebook profile holding another girl, my emotional breakdown immediately, I ran to my car and cried, screamed, laughed. I thought this relationship will last long because he was the only one guy who told me he wanted to marry with me 10 years later. He was the reason I became stronger other than family issue. He was the reason I learn to be mature and how and what is love.I will still stay for him, I know this way is tough and painful but thats what I'm going to take it. There's no expectation, because no one knows what going to happen on future. I treated him as part of my life and family member. Thanks for his love, time, tolerance for me during the time we both are together in relationship, I'll treasure it. Glad that we meet each other. Hope you will be happy with her, I'll always behind of you, supporting you.

Thirdly, Networking Life.
July 2013, I was actually looking for a part time job and my friend introduced me Network Marketing.Honestly I know nothing about network marketing because its really something I don't really have much interested on it, main reason i dislike it is because lots of explanation and money counting which I'm bad in LOLs.Then the one I love introduced me another company of Network Marketing,QNET.
3 August 2013, The main reason I joined wasn't because of myself, but him. I was touched by his words...
"Babe, i'm sorry if i made u feel like i'm forcing you, but your decision means alot to me, actually i wanted u to join the business not because of the money, but because i know clearly by doing this, we have more time to spend with each other next time, and i am planning for our future, i hope that we are fighting for our future together, well, the decision is yours, i will not force u to join, but since u have no concerns on joining me, why not u give it a shot? Since u were looking for some part time also, you can trust me on this. You are the one person which i would like to share all my happiness with, i dont want to see us getting further from each other in the future, i've experienced enough for 3 months, i dont know what will happen to me if its forever. I am doing this because i dont want u to regret in future, maybe u never planned of your future before, but based on my experience, i see these people are going to be left out, and i dont want it to happen to you. Love you babe. Go sleep early."
It was a long message that I felt surprised when I received it, I remember clearly that my tears rolled down from my eyes to face, it was really deep down touching my heart until now. Not anything but just him, and the moment I received this, my mind told me that he will be the one that I can put my trust and he is someone I can rely on for future. In the networking journey, I met alot of people, I saw alot of big picture that I never seen before, I learn alot of things and this is where I started to be mature and knowledgeable. At first, I was really rebellious as I think networking is more important than me in my boyfriend's heart position and so I argue with him lots of time because of this. But actually he was doing it for our future sake and I never appreciate it. He said during the time I was in National Service, the reason he never find me is because he was busy networking for our future and also wanted to have a better future and I was part of the reason that keeps him fighting which makes me touched alot *smiles sweetly*. After I broke up with my boyfriend, I tried to accept everything and start to stand again with my own feets, starting to achieve only my dream without for people. It was painful now to see him with another girl and he is treating her hell lot much better than me than how he used to treat me, I know sooner or later, she will join the network so I have to get use to it. It's really painful no matter how much I say I dont care anymore, trust me.

28 January 2014, Time past freaking fast, here came 2014 and I'm here back to single life. Honestly, along this journey I glad that I was who I am now instead of stuck in the past, the old me. I've glad that I met SY,PY,YH,MN alot more people thru out this networking journey, without them I think I was still in despair, depression or even destruction of myself. Thank you to everyone appeared in my life, no matter to people who loves me, hates me, I would like to say thank you to every single one of you, because of you all I grown up in a stronger way.Thank you to QNET, I started to dream again.

Hello!

I'm back to blogger! Heh, miss me? haha i know i know... mhmm well,my blog no one will visit it xD so yeah , am talking to myself <3

久违了，私的部落格

Whenever I'm lost , I always came my blog listen to the song... It makes me feel comfortable and peaceful... Just I'm inactive to blog but I still remember my blog :D

Big Pinch

Lately many things happens on me... especially in August...

Guess what?

I have family problems =] You guys happy now?

Adult's relationship are so damn complicated... i don't care how complicated but don't drag me into it...

Well... August is really sux for me...

Hope that everything will be fine on September...

从前

还记得在黑暗徘徊时，我站在原地不停地哭泣，是那光芒把我引入我从未看过的色彩，是那双温暖的手把我的眼泪擦干，可是不知从何时开始，那光芒，那双手，再也看不见，摸不着了。。。

Sickness

I leave my blog for long time...lazy to update...

Yesterday was Sport Carnival, as a BSMM senior sure duty... after duty I stayed back with YW because we plan to play basketball and badminton until Scout's Cultural Night... Feel repentant because I couldn't attend that long at Cultural Night... because need to attend cousins dinner =_= I was very tired and slept at the dinner...

PS : When I play basketball with YW that time... the basketball sprained my hand and now swollen =_= dam suay... cant even

move my 4th finger...When only the hand will be cure?

Until today... I'm sick... no appetite to eat some more diarrhea... been never eaten anything for 12 hours... What do you think?

Lately I'm sick for some people... Gossip is that really important for you guys? Even friends also you can gossip about... What the fuck are you guys really thinking? I wonder what is true friend... Is that someone cried for you , smile for you and mad for you is called true friend? If that is for you... Am I a true friend for you? If not... I feel that I'm a stupid for being a fool that cried for you...

Feel that very difficult to get through this year... A friendship hard to maintain...

My sickness gave me a dangerous signal =_= August will be sux for me...